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I DON'T WATCH MOVIES BUT

2016-08-07 14:44:52 by UsernameUser
Updated

Gary Busey would make the best Joker.

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 I was listening to Moonlapse Vertigo the other day, and thought, "Maybe I should do a review of Still Life some time".

4472210_141228698941_StillLife.jpg

 It then occurred to me that Leviathan by Mastodon was released in 2004, and the year is currently 2014.

 I turned to my Casio Databank CA53W-1 and did some quick calculations:

2014 - 2004 = 10...

HMMM...

Maybe I could release a review for Leviathan on the 10 year anniversary of its release.

 Unfortunately, the release was August 31, 2014. Just a few months too late, UNU.

Irregardless, I shall write a review on the album even though the CIA refused to answer my letter requesting time-traveling technology.

 

 

USERNAMEUSER'S REVIEW OF LEVIATHAN (2004) BY MASTODON

 

4472210_141228709811_Leviathan.jpg

 

TRACK #1: BLOOD AND THUNDER

What an awesome opener. The riff is impossible to forget, and easy to tap your foot along to. The lead guitar starts the track, and the drums quickly follow. The ascending guitar harmony at the 1:31 mark gives the song depth and space, clearly demonstrating that just because something is catchy, doesn't mean it can't mess around with some progressive elements.

10/10.

Best lyric: "White whale, holy grail"

TRACK #2: I AM AHAB

This track didn't initially stick with me. Maybe it's because the riff is more complex and progressive than that of the previous track.

 This seems to be the case for many of my favorite songs- I have to listen to them twenty or thirty times before I actually start to enjoy them. While certainly not the case for Blood and Thunder, which stuck to me instantly, this track needs some time to grow on you.

 When it finally hit me, I fell in love with this song. As I said before, the riff is complex and strange, but if you give it a chance, it will soon become one of your favorites.

 I didn't actually realize this, but I have played this track more times on my Google Play account than any other song on the album.

10/10

Best lyric: "Selfish beauty shines on"

TRACK #3: SEABEAST

 The track opens with the main riff. It's not something that you'll find yourself humming as you attempt to defragment your electromagnetic disc drive, it's a strange and ascending riff that binds the entire track together. It demonstrates that Mastodon wasn't going for single sales on this one.

 This track defies all convention. It changes time signature constantly features some of the strangest drumming on the album.

 I listened to the track repeatedly while writing this review (which was deleted twice) and never grew tired. Still, I don't find myself going out of my way to listen to it.

8/10

Best lyric: "Holding pasts in ash black earth"

TRACK #4: ISLAND

 Caviar in a tube. The Queen in a wifebeater. Total Recall on VHS in a sleeve labeled "Battle for Terra"

 It's something sophisticated masquerading as something that's not. The song is trashy, the song is loud, and the song is well-written, presenting Remission-like emotion in an entirely new way.

9/10

Best lyric: "Ram as our liaison

Vision inspire and move"

TRACK #5: IRON TUSK

  Iron Tusk and Blood and Thunder would be the two tracks I'd chose from this album if I was making a "Best of Mastodon" mixtape. Riff melts into harmony, harmony breaks into chaos, and the cycle repeats. This is by far my favorite track on the album, and honestly my favorite in the entire Mastodon discography, surpassing such hits as March of the Fire Ants, Crystal Skull, Crack the Skye and Sleeping Giant.

  Put this song on the top of your to-do list. It's worth your time.

10/10

Best lyric: "Shatter life

Physeter catodon"

TRACK #6: MEGALODON

  As Seabeast follows I Am Ahab, Megalodon follows Iron Tusk.

  Again, the riff isn't one that will stick with you for very long. However, the track is highly entertaining, switching tempo and emotion constantly. It's good background music if you're performing a mundane task.

  Tracks like Megalodon highlight Mastodon's ability to produce strange and unique music that is nothing like anything you've ever heard before. Give it a listen.

9/10

Best lyric: "Harps to listen

Comb hair"

TRACK #7: NAKED BURN

 Did Iron Maiden write this one? It sure sounds like they did.

  This track is sweet release from the thrashy, loud sound of previous tracks, with clean vocals, a smooth riff and nothing too drastic in terms of tempo changes. It's an excellent and underrated song.

10/10

Best lyric: "Save yourself

Don't wait on me"

TRACK #8: AQUA DEMENTIA

  This track is solid all the way through. It has a fantastic overall sound and features vocals by Scott Kelly, foreshadowing his now infamous work on Crack the Skye.

  Unlike Seabeast, it doesn't feel slow. It's on the attack.

10/10

Best lyric: "I see the stones in the path we laid"

TRACK #9: HEARTS ALIVE

   For starters, it's really long, at least for a Mastodon song, that is. It's 13:39 minutes long. Most Mastodon songs hang around the five-minute mark. Compared to an Opeth song, it's really not remarkably long, which I think is important to note.

  The songwriting on this album isn't like an Opeth song. It's not smooth. It's fast and brooding.

  Take a song like Black Rose Immortal off the album Morningrise for example. It's over 20 minutes long, yet manages to feel about half as long as Hearts Alive.

  That's because there's about twice as much material crammed into Hearts Alive than Black Rose Immortal, making  the track both exhausting and epic in scale.

  If you play it as background music, you won't be able to fully appreciate the scope of the track, if you actually attempt to deconstruct it, you'll be exhausted within five minutes.

9/10

Best lyric: "Swim below eternally

Into the deep blue sea"

TRACK #10: JOSEPH MERRICK

  Mastodon ended Remission with an instrumental, and they've done the same thing here. They went on to do it on their 2006 release Blood Mountain.

  The song works.

  Its acoustic tone fits right in to the conclusion of Hearts Alive, continuing the feeling into a perfect finale to the album. As an instrumental, it gives the listener more opportunity to explore in their own mind. There's no lyrics to guide you along.

  It's not always easy to end album, but this track does it the best way possible.

10/10

Lyrics: [N/A: Instrumental]

 

TALLIES

AVERAGE SCORE: 9.5/10

BEST SONG: IRON TUSK

WORST SONG: SEABEAST

 

 

What should I review next? Leave your comments in the box bellow.


A Round Town Vol. 2

2014-09-16 23:27:41 by UsernameUser

I was browsing my camera roll, and this particularly snazzy early-morning shot caught my eye. Sometimes you don't realize how good or bad a picture looks until far after the date of capture.

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More to come.


Internet Fame?

2014-09-11 00:23:17 by UsernameUser
Updated

   I made a discovery today...

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It would seem that I am finally recognized on the internet.

What have I done to deserve this?

Does this qualify as "internet notariaty"?

 

Regardless, I think it's cool that simply searching "UsernameUser" and then confirming that you actually meant UsernameUser, all one word, will return results based on my name. It didn't do that last time I checked. Last time I checked, the only mentions were of that dude on Reddit.

I have no clue what this shit is, though...

4472210_141040938573_delete2.jpg

 

On the other hand, I only have 22 followers... 

And it's not even that remarkable that searching my name would yeild relevant results- that's the purpose of a search engine.

 

Search "JohnnyUtah", for example, and see what you get.

http://www.boxofapples.com/fruit_crate_art/gay_johnny_00.jpg



Humans these days are essentially nothing more than mindless robots, programmed to consume.

As efficent consumers, we need the newest, flashiest new products to feel like we're sucessful in this world.

This decidedly human flaw is what I believe has allowed the sore to fester long enough to mutate into the peril which I shall outline in the next few minutes.

 

 

I know not the exact source of the plauge, but it is undeniably indefatigable in my particular region.

You cannot walk the streets without noting the scars of the disease.

What is the name of the sickness?
 

 

THE ORANGE SUBARU XV CROSSTREK ENDEMIC

 

Every single day, I see countless identical XV Crosstreks.

The car only has two model years, but I first noted this issue some time last year.

I dilligently recorded the numbers of consumer sheep infected with the virus all through today, in an attempt to prove my point.

These numbers have not been falsified.

Today, I recorded 38 Subaru XV Crosstreks. 35 were orange.

If this is not an endemic, I don't know what is.

 

People:
You're not cool for buying a certain car.

In fact, if everyone buys exactly the same car, that makes you a bit of a tool-bag, don't you think?

 

I hope this report will help to inform the masses of a plauge that is sweeping the nation.

I reccomend that you stockpile water rations and C7 Corvettes.

If I don't reply to any comments within two hours, I'll have been infected as well. Don't cry for me.

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Image Source: http://images.thecarconnection.com/med/the-2013-subaru-xv-crosstrek_100386148_m.jpg


Around Town Vol. 1

2014-08-05 21:29:12 by UsernameUser
Updated

I'm bored again, so I'm going to share some images from around my town with millions (tens, really... no one reads anything I post...) of strangers.

All photos will be taken using a Samsung Galaxy S4, as that is my primary photo-capturing device; my pockets are not deep enough for a DSLR. (c wot i did thar)

If I take a picture of a mural, I'd like to point out that I do not own the mural, but because I took the picture, I suppose I have rights to the picture... or at least I think that's how it works.

If you own art featured here, thanks for your sweet designs.

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Ehh... it looked cooler on my phone.


Obsession, Death and Opeth

2014-07-20 18:09:05 by UsernameUser
Updated

I feel like I live life one obsession at a time.

I don't watch one episode, I watch the whole series three times before finally moving on to something else.

I don't know a bit about something, I research the topic until I can debate anyone I know about it.

I don't "listen to a band occassionally", I hear all of their songs, watch all of their live shows on YouTube, see all their interviews, memorize all their bandmembers names, and read all their lyrics.

I love to justify my obsessions by expressing strong, negative opinions of other bands, television programs or intrests, while refusing to shut up about my own intrests.

This sort of obsessive approach to things has been my mantra for as long as I can remember. It can't possibly be healthy and I have no idea how to change it. Does anyone else feel like this describes them as well?

 

As for the death, I only put that in the title because it sounds ominous, plus it rhymes with:


OPETH.

 

They're pretty cool, don'tcha think? (this is what I'm talking about when I say obsession)

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Happy Birthday to Me

2014-07-10 23:44:13 by UsernameUser

Yep.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM-IPXmnBbw&feature=kp (Recipe time!)

http://youtu.be/2cIm1FDc7fY?t=17m9s (cake cake cake cake cake cock cake cake cake)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1N_zYozysb4 (lolwut)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bUH_O78LQ8 (10/10 flawless execution [pun intended])

 


Sherbalex Revival

2014-07-06 03:52:46 by UsernameUser
Updated

I sincerely thought it was lost forever... But no, long last, I have recovered not one... not two... but THREE Couch Guy 2013 videos for your ammusement, free of charge.
Today, I bring you those very videos.

 

(I tried to imbed it, but the mothafukka isn't on the whitelist.)

 

"Couch Man, Annotated"

http://screenr.com/Jvi7

"Yea"

http://screenr.com/442H

"Fun With Couch Man @ 3:00 AM"

http://screenr.com/Yvi7 

As far as I know, these are the only three screencaps of Sherbalex on camera at Pico Day.

You're lucky I'm so generous >;D


 


I ain't even mad.

2014-07-06 03:25:49 by UsernameUser

As outlined in my previous post, I've been having some troubles with specific Wikia editors.

In honor of Louis Zamperini, I will forgive those who have done wrongs against me.

Icedragon64, I embrace you as a brother. I am no longer angry with you.