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Nimbostratus Zacket @UsernameUser

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Show Me the Metal

Posted by UsernameUser - June 9th, 2014


A lil' while ago, I did a list of my top 5 motorcycles to buy if money was no object (which is impossible because matter will always be an object, unless physical money is completely shunned, that is)

Now it is time to do a list of my top 10 cars to buy if you had all the money in the world... Which would probably be kinda lame because then your life would just be a pointless waking nightmare... Whatever...

This is in no order... Well, actually it is, but it's in no order that I chose... Well, actually it is, but it's in no specific order... Well, actually, it is, but it's in no order in the context of superiority.... Well, actually, it might be, depending on your opinion... What I'm trying to say is, this is in a somewhat random order... Whatever.

 

 

1. Falcon F7

4472210_140234254352_Falcon-F7-V8-2.jpg

Image Credit: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eamp4zO9F0A/Twyp27BOzlI/AAAAAAAGYCM/5B3qnCoeq_4/s800/Falcon-F7-V8-2.jpg

It's not the fastest car ever made, topping out at about 200 MPH. At around $200,000, it's not the most expensive thing out there, either. You could always take the more obvious route and buy a Lamborghini or a Ferrari, but I like the F7 because it's a unique statement. A car should be a reflection on its owner. It doesn't matter how fast it goes, it doesn't matter how expensive it is. If it makes you happy, then god damn it, it works. The icing in the cake is that it's American (you can go ahead and scrape that bit off if you're not from America, it'll save you a few calories anyway).

 

 

2. Artega GT

4472210_140234254122_Artega_GT.jpg

Image Credit: http://www.supercarfrance.com/Geneve-2009/Part-2/21-Artega_GT.JPG

Artega is a former German auto maker who folded back in 2012. This is their only production model. Something about this sprightly little coupe makes it seem so valuable to me. No more will ever be made. The example above is surely the only GT in existence with that paint scheme. The bottom line is, I've never seen one on the road, and probably never will. But if I do, there will be someone behind the wheel... I want to be that person.

 

 

3. 1925 Sunbeam Tiger

4472210_140234254073_Sunbeam_Tiger_SpdRcrd_DV-07-PB_01.jpg

Image Credit: http://files.conceptcarz.com/img/Sunbeam/25-Sunbeam_Tiger_SpdRcrd_DV-07-PB_01.jpg

The Sunbeam Tiger was once the fastest car in the world, with a record speed of 125 MPH. Only two were ever produced, making it both a record holder and one of the rarest cars in the world. It's sure to start a conversation with almost anyone.

 

 

4. Grand Cherokee Trailhawk II

4472210_140234253971_Jeep-Grand-Cherokee-Trailhawk-II-Concept-front-three-q.jpg

Image Credit: http://strumors.automobilemag.com/files/2013/03/Jeep-Grand-Cherokee-Trailhawk-II-Concept-front-three-quarters-view-2-1024x640.jpg

While the Jeep Wrangler is excellent off road, it lacks the functionality of the Grand Cherokee on road. The Grand Cherokee is still a very good car offroad, but it lacks the same niche specialization as the Wrangler. I give you: The Jeep Grand Cherokee Trailhawk II. It has massive off road tires pulled straight off a Wrangler. The wheel arches have been expanded to allow them to fit on the car. The hood and front facia is from the SRT Grand Cherokee (the racing model... you might think a racing Cherokee is silly, but remember that the GC was once the 5th fastest American car. Source: https://autos.yahoo.com/news/10-fastest-american-cars.html). The whole thing has been lifted about two inches, and it comes with the excellent 3.0 liter turbodiesel engine which makes 420 pound/feet of torque and has a range of 750 miles!

The bad: It won't ever be made... most likely. It also has archaic steel-spring suspension, instead of air suspension, which would allow for better ride feel, clearance and highway ride.

The good: Jeep has an extensive catalog of parts to choose from, so it might be possible that this vehicle could be made as a custom build... if you have the money.

 

 

5. C7 Corvette Stingray

4472210_140234253691_Geneva_Motor_Show_7853.jpg

Image Credit: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/55/2013-03-05_Geneva_Motor_Show_7853.JPG

The Corvette has always been a terrific value for the money. For $53,000 (MSRP base) you get 460 horsepower and a 0-60 time of 3.8 seconds. Sports cars have always been hard to validate buying, but the C7 has the ability to disable cylinders in the 6.8 liter V8 when in eco-mode, effectively working as a V4. Chevrolet says the car will be able to operate as a V4 for much of the time it is on the road, allowing for 29 MPG highway. Best of all, the base model (seen above) is a convertible! Simply remove the hard top roof and place it in the trunk, where it snaps into place, acting as almost a second trunk lid. This solves a problem that plagues all soft-top convertibles: they look horrible when the roof is up. This is not the case here. In fact, I think Chevy thought people wouldn't realize that the base model is a convertible, so they gave buyers the opportunity to pay more to have their car ruined by turning it onto a dedicated soft-top. Do yourself a favor and just buy the regular version.

 

 

6. Sonic Hatchback

4472210_140234253551_chevrolet-sonic_100336905_l.jpg

Image Credit: http://images.thecarconnection.com/lrg/2012-chevrolet-sonic_100336905_l.jpg

Not all good cars are fast. Not all good cars are expensive. Not all cheap or fast cars are good, either.
This is an example of a car that's cheap enough and fast enough to put a smile on my face. It's the perfect cheap and cheerful car. It starts at $14,770 (the hatchback version, if you get the sedan version, you should kill yourself) and it has enough cargo space to hold numerous things. It's small enough to park places, and it's smooth enough to drive. In safety tests, it was literally off the charts, with an estimated 5.3 out of 5 stars. If you're in the market, I implore you to test one out.

Like the C7 Corvette, GM has messed up just a little. On the Corvette, they made an optional soft-top model, which completely ruins the spirit of the car. This is the same way, with the sedan model. The whole point of the thing it that it's a hot hatchback. Making it a sedan is a bit like making the Fiat 500 a sedan, or a Mini Cooper a sedan. It's just daft. Worst of all is when people buy the sedan version, buy the base model, and then have it painted red. I don't know why, but I just find this infuriating.

Whatever, test it, you'll probably like it.

 

 

7. Saleen S7

4472210_140234253231_Saleen_S7_8228619567.jpg

Image Source: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/74/Saleen_S7_(8228619567).jpg

The Saleen S7 (not to be confused with the Falcon F7) was once the fastest and most expensive car in the world. Now, you can pick one up for relatively little money. Something about this car is just so right. It looks straight out of a video game, with a huge spoiler, cutthroat gills, and gullwing doors. Unlike the positively moronic Bugatti Veyron, it breaks records in style, looking more like a god of war than a man in a fat suit (seriously, Bugatti, your car looks obese...)

 

Dat ass doe
4472210_140234631381_Bugatti_Veyron_EB_16.4_Grand_Sport_back.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8d/Bugatti_Veyron_EB_16.4_Grand_Sport_(back).JPG

This is a car with history. A car with heritage. It wins the heart not through brute force and excessive numbers of radiators, but through utter beauty and pedigree... And it's American.

 

 

8. 1985 Yugo GV

4472210_140234173412_yugo_gv_hactback_ad.jpg

Image Credit: http://dev.hatchheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/yugo_gv_hactback_ad.jpg

The only lists the Yugo GV is ever seen on is lists of the worst cars ever made. Even in the picture above, the damn thing looks more like a sorrowful sow than a car meant to excite and wow. Indeed, the only thing it has going for it is that it's red (which is said to increase power output by 10%). For all these reasons, this little hunk-o-junk is really very charming to me. That is, from an outside point of view. I'm sure as soon as I get my hands on one, I'll be looking for a bridge to drive it off quite soon afterwards.

 

 

9. Ford/Sportsmobile Sportsmobile

4472210_140234710693_Sportsmobiles-rear-three-quarters.jpg

Image Credit: http://image.trucktrend.com/f/roadtests/van/163_1304_travel_sportsmobile_4wd_ford_e_series/41474912/Sportsmobiles-rear-three-quarters.jpg

Imagine an RV. How good is it offroad? Terrible. Imagine a Jeep. How good is it at being an RV? Terrible. What if there was an offroad RV? There is! It's called a Sportsmobile. It's a Ford van turned RV turned offroader, complete with mini-fridge, awning, microwave, barbeque, multiple beds, audio/TV equipment, and more offroad cred than your goddamn Subaru XV Crosstrek, you hippie.

The only drawback is leaf-suspension, even if Sportsmobile claims it improves ride.

 

 

10a. Any Car!

4472210_140234821512_attachment.jpg

http://www.rigsofrods.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=432492&d=1379977506

4472210_140234821492_DSCF5642W.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_H0xSR430Ko0/S9SLyGDFADI/AAAAAAAAArw/IkuKjjqy38o/s1600/DSCF5642W.JPG

4472210_140234821322_reliant-rugged-robin-gear-patrol.jpg

http://gearpatrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/reliant-rugged-robin-gear-patrol.jpg

 

A car's a car! If it's shitty, that's your own goddamn fault! Improve it. Make it personal. Bitching about owning a car is not acceptable, you toolbag. If it runs, it's a good car, and if it's a car, it can get you places. It doesn't have to be fast, it doesn't have to be cool, it doesn't even have to be safe, just as long as it works.

 

 

10b. 1955 TC-497 Overland Train Mark II OR 1939 Antarctic Snow Cruiser

 

TC-497 Overland Train Mark II

4472210_140243538382_Letourneau-Overland-Train-Mk-II.jpg

Image Credit: http://s2.e-monsite.com/2010/04/27/02/resize_950_950//5-Letourneau-Overland-Train-Mk-II.jpg

Alright, fine, I'll give you a couple more vehicles to choose from...

The LeTourneau company was contracted by the United States Army to design and build a series of extreme backcountry vehicles for operations in arctic climates. Having proven sucessful with their TC-264 Sno-Buggy (whose tires would later be used on Bigfoot 5, the world's largest monster truck) and the Tournatrain, the US Army next asked LeTourneau to design a vehicle with the charastics of both. LeTourneau gave the US Army the LCC-1, and later the even larger TC-497 Overland Train Mark II. At nearly 600 feet long, the TC-497 Overland Train Mark II was the largest land vehicle in human history. The first cab was over 30 feet tall, slept six and had toilets and a galley. The vehicle could acheive 20 MPH and had a range of over 350 miles with no external fuel tanks. The entire concept was eventually dumped in favor of actually practical technologies AKA "the helicopter". The TC-497 was eventually scrapped, although the smaller LCC-1 currently resides in the Yukon Transportation Museum.

If you thought the Sportsmobile that slept four or the go-anywhere Jeep Grand Cherokee Trailhawk II was cool, this is a couple of steps up. No word yet on whether it's street legal, though...

 

Antarctic Snow Cruiser AKA "The Penguin"

4472210_140243538011_antarctic-snow-cruiser-front-three-quarters.jpg

Image Credit: http://image.trucktrend.com/f/features/news/2013/163_1309_1939_antarctic_snow_cruiser/57835900/1939-antarctic-snow-cruiser-front-three-quarters.jpg

Think about the ideal land vehicle for getting over any obsticle. You'd probably want it to be big, right?

The Antarctic Snow Cruiser was designed between 1937 and 1939 with the goal of being almost the Space Shuttle of the Antarctic: reliably transport people and objects two and from the South Pole. It was nearly 56 feet long, 16 feet high, and had a range of 5,000 miles (making this a much better economy vehicle than the TC-497).

The powertrain (no pun intended) was two 11-liter inline-six disel engines which made an earth-shaking 150 horsepower each (seriously, what the hell?).

Having spent $300,000, invested 11 weeks of construction, the vehicle was shipped to Antarctica.

Idioticly, the designers failed to realize that the massive, although perfectly smooth tires would be utterly hopeless in the snow, the exact environment the vehicle was meant to be used in.

Interestingly, the vehicle apperantly gained more traction when driven in reverse. This is how the 92 mile expedition was carried out- in reverse.

After what was essentially a prolonged failure of an expedition, the thing was abandoned, left to accumumate snow.

The Antarctic Snow Cruiser was later discovered in the late 1940s, and later 1958. Again abandoned, it has not been seen for over 50 years, and most speculate that is currently resides under very deep snow or somewhere on the sea floor, haven been carried out to sea by the movement of the ice shelf.

On paper, the Antarctic Snow Cruiser is probably the most badass thing ever. On snow, it's more slippery than a greased bar of soap in a tub of corn oil. Coincidentally, I live in America rather than Antarctica, so snow isn't really that big of a concern. And anyway, I'd just replace those swamp tires with some monster truck tires and call it good.

 

 

Anyway, thanks for reading my dumb list (even though you probably didn't, you just looked at the pictures). I hope you enjoyed it. I'll make some more lists in the future if you did. Be sure to leave a comment in the box below.


Comments

God,I like the last ones :D
It's Epic.

Haha yes, the last three are certainly unique cars, especially the Reliant half-track.